"Palestinians" Want Danish Out

"Dozens of al-Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades members held a demonstration against Denmark Sunday at the main square in the West Bank town of Nablus, shouted anti-Danish slogans and threatened to harm Danish targets located in the West Bank and Gaza. " (read Ali Waked's original article here.)

Sunday's demonstration was the latest in a string of rallies protesting the recent influx of pastry from Denmark.

"This is supposed to be the West Bank, not the Danube!" shouted Jamil Na'aleh, as he waved the green flag of Hamas and fired his gun into a cafe, wounding three young mothers who were feeding their children the sticky Scandinavian concoction. Right before one of the mothers fell out of her chair, witnesses say she uttered, "But it's so good and fruity."

"It's not like baklawa," stated Saladin Baksheesh. "We don't use fruit. Just nuts. Mostly we use pistachio, but sometimes walnuts and lots of phyllo dough, but often the stringy kind. Kind of like the Turks. But we hate them, too. They use too much cumin in their falafel. But their baklawa is good, don't print that, I think it's anti-Hamas. I voted for Fatah. But it was based on the pastry. I think they used the slogan, Baklawa will get you even Fatah, Hamas eats Danish. Get Fatah with baklawa. Okay, well, it rhymes better in Farsi. Maybe that was why Fatah lost."

During the demonstrations, while some shot randomly, others threatened to use violence against Danish interests, namely producers of overly sweetened canned fruit in thick syrup and Enteman's, one of the largest commercial bakeries in the United States.

Five year-old children were paraded around wearing baklawa costumes. One was almost eaten when a heavy woman in a headscarf rushed the crowd and started biting into the child's arm. The child is now being tested for a barrage of diseases, including rabies. Initial tests proved inconclusive, as the child started foaming from the mouth. It was unclear as to whether it was a symptom of rabies, or more possibly, meringue, a condition that might have been brought on by exposure to the Danish.

Protestors urged all people of Danish origin, as well as those people with Danish interests or interested in Danish, to leave the territories, as they would not be able to guarantee their safety. The "Palestinian" public was also advised to cut all ties with Denmark. "We don't want anymore of your stupid pastry," said Ahmad Aaha'ab. "It is an insult to our long-standing culture, to our people's sentimentality, to our ability to reason. It is because of the Danish that we cannot have world peace. If we could get this pastry out of here, there would be nothing standing in the way of peace."

When asked if negotiations were possible, honorary Hamas member J. Carter replied, "We will not negotiate. We do not recognize Danish as a pastry and it does not have any right to exist. Not in my name."

* if you missed the humour, you can link to the original article.